Summer in the City
Nothing says summer in the city like the annual epidemic of road construction. The best course of action, if your situation allows, is to get out of Dodge.
When nature’s signs of Spring appear, so do man’s signs - Parkway Closed for Repairs, Construction Ahead, Single Lane Traffic Only, No Turning Left or Right Until October. Next is the outbreak of demolition equipment and vehicles. You know, all the kind that make so much noise you can’t hear yourself think. Hmmm. Maybe not hearing your own thinking is a good thing.
Let me tell you about what actually happened in my neighborhood. If I had not been a witness, I would have thought it was alternative facts or fake news.
When the temperature hit 100 degrees F, with a humidex of 300 degrees F (only slightly exaggerated); when the air quality was so bad you needed an oxygen tank strapped to your back for going outdoors, the demolition began.
Promptly at 7:00a.m, the jack hammers were unleashed. Then came the front end loaders cleaning up the rubble. Following were the graders readying the road for the black top. They started cooking the tar when it got so hot the tar could have cooked itself. Anyway, the road was soon black-topped and looking lovely.
Here’s where it became mind-boggling. Soon after the road had been newly paved, the gas company showed up. They proceeded to randomly drill holes in the road to check the gas lines. When their inspection was completed, they piled dirt in the holes and covered them with black top. Now the once lovely road was pockmarked with moguls and sink holes.
Next, the water and sewage department rolled in. They drilled holes in new places to check the watermains. Of course they drilled into a pipe so they would have something to repair. That done, it was the same as before. Fill in the holes with dirt and lumpy black top.
But wait. That was not the end of it. Yup. Along came the hydro workers. They dug a conduit along the curb line the entire length of the road to lay underground wires for the latest in decorator street lights. The conclusion was a sparkling display when a nearby transformer caught fire and power went out for several hours while temperatures hit a record 120 degrees F. (Only slightly exaggerated.)
That incomprehensible chain of events was mandated by the Department of Redundancy which promotes misuse of time and money along with being oblivious to what any other department is doing. Please note Section One of the Policy and Procedures Manual: Employ any means necessary to thoroughly harass and vex neighborhood merchants and residents. That which is written was accomplished.